How to Survive Working for a Narcissistic Leader
By Margaret Heffernan | May 19, 2011
Times of great change require leaders who have immense vision, courage and the capacity to ignore what everyone else is doing. Many would put BP’s John Browne and the now-imprisoned former IMF president Dominique Strauss-Kahn in this same category.
You don’t necessarily like these people, but they can lead you to great success and may be the only leaders capable of delivering true, galvanic change. Being part of their ride can be exhilarating, instructive, inspiring and lucrative. But they aren’t easy people to work with - and they have very distinct and important drawbacks.
What is a narcissist?
Psychoanalysts describe narcissistic personalities as independent, innovative, drawn to power and glory. They rarely suffer from doubt or second thoughts and can come across as very aggressive. Their extreme absorption in their own vision blinds them to risks, problems or nuance. Being part of their ride can be exhilarating, instructive, inspiring and lucrative. But hanging on for that ride is emotionally and professionally taxing.
If their vision is wrong, they’ll lead everyone over the cliff and never notice. The other problem is that, while their inter-personal skills are poor, they will take all dissent personally. They may not be sensitive to others - but any slight or criticism is felt very personally indeed.
Here are some tips learned on the roller coaster:
1. Play to the upside.
Narcissists are sometimes great leaders because they have vision and are sufficiently self-absorbed not to care (or even notice) how mad they may appear to others. There’s little value in trying to change this. If you want radical change, it won’t be delivered by sensitive leaders but by those so caught up in their own vision that they can’t see anything else. You will have to learn not to mind their faults. But don’t become impervious to them - you need to retain your ability to distinguish their greatness from their potential madness.
2. Don’t even think of competing.
No ego can match, never mind annihilate, the ego of the narcissist. What you have to decide is whether their achievement will facilitate your success. If it will, that’s fine. If these two are at odds, get out now.
3. Help them privately.
While narcissists may think they know everything, the smart ones know they need help. But they won’t show this - or want it demonstrated - in public. So find a back channel: private time alone, email, phone calls. Smart narcissists will absorb all your great insight, data and advice and effortlessly fold it into their own thinking. Don’t expect acknowledgement, gratitude or thanks - but don’t abdicate either. Many narcissists are smart and they need your insights, even if they’ll never acknowledge that.
4. Decide how to deal with the bullying.
Most narcissists are also bullies, subject to tremendous rage. There are 2 ways to manage this: ignore it, like water off a duck’s back (if you truly can) or stand up to it early. Your refusal to be insulted or abused will carry weight because there is nothing a narcissist hates more than losing an audience.
5. Accept that narcissists have no desire to change.
Even if they’re wreaking havoc, they won’t care. They know they’re right. If you think you can change them, you’re wrong, will waste time - and endure a lot of abuse along the way.
The tragedy of narcissists, of course, is that having defeated a mighty foe or delivered epic change, they are the very last people to enjoy the fruits of their labor. If you let them, they’ll destroy what they’ve built. So the critical question, when dealing with narcissistic leaders is this: Are we in a situation that needs this level of drive, radical intensity and vision? If you are, it could be that only a narcissist will get you there.
MY THOUGHTS
Definitely going to be a challenge!
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Thursday, May 19, 2011
WHAT MOST SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE DO BEFORE BREAKFAST
What The Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast
By Laura Vanderkam | May 17, 2011
http://www.bnet.com/blog/time-management/what-the-most-successful-people-do-before-breakfast/439?promo=664&tag=nl.e664
Mornings are a mad-cap time in many households. Everyone’s so focused on getting out the door that you can easily lose track of just how much time is passing. I’ve had hundreds of people keep time logs for me over the past few years (you can see some of mine here and here), and I’m always amazed to see gaps of 90 minutes or more between when people wake up and when they start the commute or school car pool.
That would be fine if the time was used intentionally, but often it isn’t.
The most productive people, however, realize that 90 minutes, 120 minutes or more is a long time to lose track of on a busy weekday. If you feel like you don’t have time for personal priorities later in the day, why not try using your mornings? Streamline breakfast, personal care and kid routines. Then you can use 30-60 minutes to try one of four things:
1. Play, read, or talk with your kids. Mornings can be great quality time, especially if you have little kids who go to bed soon after you get home at night, but wake up at the crack of dawn. Set an alarm on your watch, put away the iPhone, and spend a relaxed half an hour reading stories or doing art projects. If you have older children, aim for a leisurely family breakfast. Everyone talks through their plans for the day and what’s going on in their lives. If family dinners aren’t a regular thing in your house, this is a great substitute.
2. Exercise. You shower in the morning anyway, so why not get sweaty first? Trade off mornings with your partner on who goes out and runs and who stays home with the kids. Or, if your kids are older (or you don’t have any) work out together and make it a very healthy morning date.
3. Indulge your creative side. Lots of people would like to resurrect a creative hobby like painting, photography, scrapbooking, writing, even practicing an instrument. What if you went to bed a little earlier three times a week? Skip that last TV show or those last emails and get up a little earlier the next morning to put in some time at your easel before the day gets away from you.
4. Think. Strategic thinking time is incredibly important for seizing control of our lives. Spend 30 minutes in the morning pondering what you want to do with your time. You could also use this time to pray or read religious literature, to meditate or write in a journal. All of these will help you start the day in a much better place than if everyone’s running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Note: Are you looking for a better start to your day, or to use your time more effectively in general? I’d like to do a few time makeovers of readers over the next few weeks. Email me if you’d be interested in logging your time, trying a few strategies, and sharing what you learn. Thanks!
MY THOUGHTS
Time with the kids. Exercise. Be creative. Think. Those are some of the things most succesful do first thing in the morning. But what about happy people? What do they do the minute they wake up?
By Laura Vanderkam | May 17, 2011
http://www.bnet.com/blog/time-management/what-the-most-successful-people-do-before-breakfast/439?promo=664&tag=nl.e664
Mornings are a mad-cap time in many households. Everyone’s so focused on getting out the door that you can easily lose track of just how much time is passing. I’ve had hundreds of people keep time logs for me over the past few years (you can see some of mine here and here), and I’m always amazed to see gaps of 90 minutes or more between when people wake up and when they start the commute or school car pool.
That would be fine if the time was used intentionally, but often it isn’t.
The most productive people, however, realize that 90 minutes, 120 minutes or more is a long time to lose track of on a busy weekday. If you feel like you don’t have time for personal priorities later in the day, why not try using your mornings? Streamline breakfast, personal care and kid routines. Then you can use 30-60 minutes to try one of four things:
1. Play, read, or talk with your kids. Mornings can be great quality time, especially if you have little kids who go to bed soon after you get home at night, but wake up at the crack of dawn. Set an alarm on your watch, put away the iPhone, and spend a relaxed half an hour reading stories or doing art projects. If you have older children, aim for a leisurely family breakfast. Everyone talks through their plans for the day and what’s going on in their lives. If family dinners aren’t a regular thing in your house, this is a great substitute.
2. Exercise. You shower in the morning anyway, so why not get sweaty first? Trade off mornings with your partner on who goes out and runs and who stays home with the kids. Or, if your kids are older (or you don’t have any) work out together and make it a very healthy morning date.
3. Indulge your creative side. Lots of people would like to resurrect a creative hobby like painting, photography, scrapbooking, writing, even practicing an instrument. What if you went to bed a little earlier three times a week? Skip that last TV show or those last emails and get up a little earlier the next morning to put in some time at your easel before the day gets away from you.
4. Think. Strategic thinking time is incredibly important for seizing control of our lives. Spend 30 minutes in the morning pondering what you want to do with your time. You could also use this time to pray or read religious literature, to meditate or write in a journal. All of these will help you start the day in a much better place than if everyone’s running around like chickens with their heads cut off.
Note: Are you looking for a better start to your day, or to use your time more effectively in general? I’d like to do a few time makeovers of readers over the next few weeks. Email me if you’d be interested in logging your time, trying a few strategies, and sharing what you learn. Thanks!
MY THOUGHTS
Time with the kids. Exercise. Be creative. Think. Those are some of the things most succesful do first thing in the morning. But what about happy people? What do they do the minute they wake up?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
REGAIN YOUR ATTENTION SPAN
6 Ways to Regain Your Attention Span
By Wayne Turmel | May 11, 2011
Does it feel like there are too many little things nibbling at you to actually get any real work done? Just when we settle in to work on the Johnson project, Facebook needs updating, Instant Messenger goes off and there’s that email from your partner in Dallas. How are we supposed to get any work done? We need to rebuild our attention spans.
Too many of us spend our time working like Dug, the dog from the movie “Up”. We get distracted at odd moments (SQUIRREL!) and find it hard to focus. By becoming aware of our tendencies and setting support systems in place we can regain our focus.
Tony Schwartz, the author of The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working, has some ideas. In a recent Management Exchange blog post, he offers 6 tips for regaining the focus we once had.
1. Let your values guide your behaviors - Do you really not know what is most important. While it sounds trite, we need to focus on the things we know to be most valuable. If we thought about it for even a second, is updating our Facebook page really more important than doing a good job on the data for our team? Really?
2. Slow down - Paradoxically, the faster we move the less we often accomplish. Our brains are incapable of multi-tasking, instead we have to switch from one task to the next and each switch has ramp-up and cool-down time associated with it. By sticking with one task until it’s complete (or there’s an organic, natural place to take a break) and then moving to the next task we will get more done and at a higher quality of work.
3. Build deliberate practices that become habits - This one is going to hurt a bit. Many of us have to retrain our brains to stick with one thing at a time. Research shows that ritual and habit are the best ways to make sure we do something in a certain way. The problem is, it takes doing something over and over again until it becomes a habit. Start by blocking an hour (okay, half an hour if you start to get the shakes) in which the focus is the most important work you’ll do that day. Don’t check email, turn off the ringer on the phone. Just do what you need to do. If we did this every day for a couple of weeks, it would becomeour default way of working.
4. Create “precommitments” to keep you on track - This is a polite way of saying you need to burn your boats so you can’t escape. If email is a distraction, turn off your internet connection while you’re working on that memo. Don’t freak out, it has an on switch as well. If we commit to eliminating possible distractions and nonproductive behaviors, not only will we be more focused on the work at hand, but they won’t be there to tempt us at all.
5. Share your commitments - Most of us are really bad at keeping promises to ourselves,but pretty good about maintaining our commitments to others. By sharing your commitment to manage your time better, we’ll be motivated to achieve those goals. We’ll also get some help from those who work witg us. (If you ask your teammates to give you an hour in the morning before the IMs start flying, you may just get it). If everyone knows what everyone else is trying to achieve you can hold each other accountable.
6. Start small - Rome wasn’t built in a day, and going cold-turkey with some of these distractions won’t work very well either. As Schwartz points out, the attention part of our brain acts like a muscle. Try to make it do something it hasn’t done in a while is likely to result in a serious mind-cramp. Still with practice and repetition, we can change our default settings.
For some it will take longer than others. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and reach out to the team members who seem to be struggling with maintaining their focus as well. (SQUIRREL!).
MY THOUGHTS
I love this tips. They are not necessarily easy but they all seem doable.
Okay, for most of us it’s still a work in progress.
By Wayne Turmel | May 11, 2011
Does it feel like there are too many little things nibbling at you to actually get any real work done? Just when we settle in to work on the Johnson project, Facebook needs updating, Instant Messenger goes off and there’s that email from your partner in Dallas. How are we supposed to get any work done? We need to rebuild our attention spans.
Too many of us spend our time working like Dug, the dog from the movie “Up”. We get distracted at odd moments (SQUIRREL!) and find it hard to focus. By becoming aware of our tendencies and setting support systems in place we can regain our focus.
Tony Schwartz, the author of The Way We’re Working Isn’t Working, has some ideas. In a recent Management Exchange blog post, he offers 6 tips for regaining the focus we once had.
1. Let your values guide your behaviors - Do you really not know what is most important. While it sounds trite, we need to focus on the things we know to be most valuable. If we thought about it for even a second, is updating our Facebook page really more important than doing a good job on the data for our team? Really?
2. Slow down - Paradoxically, the faster we move the less we often accomplish. Our brains are incapable of multi-tasking, instead we have to switch from one task to the next and each switch has ramp-up and cool-down time associated with it. By sticking with one task until it’s complete (or there’s an organic, natural place to take a break) and then moving to the next task we will get more done and at a higher quality of work.
3. Build deliberate practices that become habits - This one is going to hurt a bit. Many of us have to retrain our brains to stick with one thing at a time. Research shows that ritual and habit are the best ways to make sure we do something in a certain way. The problem is, it takes doing something over and over again until it becomes a habit. Start by blocking an hour (okay, half an hour if you start to get the shakes) in which the focus is the most important work you’ll do that day. Don’t check email, turn off the ringer on the phone. Just do what you need to do. If we did this every day for a couple of weeks, it would becomeour default way of working.
4. Create “precommitments” to keep you on track - This is a polite way of saying you need to burn your boats so you can’t escape. If email is a distraction, turn off your internet connection while you’re working on that memo. Don’t freak out, it has an on switch as well. If we commit to eliminating possible distractions and nonproductive behaviors, not only will we be more focused on the work at hand, but they won’t be there to tempt us at all.
5. Share your commitments - Most of us are really bad at keeping promises to ourselves,but pretty good about maintaining our commitments to others. By sharing your commitment to manage your time better, we’ll be motivated to achieve those goals. We’ll also get some help from those who work witg us. (If you ask your teammates to give you an hour in the morning before the IMs start flying, you may just get it). If everyone knows what everyone else is trying to achieve you can hold each other accountable.
6. Start small - Rome wasn’t built in a day, and going cold-turkey with some of these distractions won’t work very well either. As Schwartz points out, the attention part of our brain acts like a muscle. Try to make it do something it hasn’t done in a while is likely to result in a serious mind-cramp. Still with practice and repetition, we can change our default settings.
For some it will take longer than others. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and reach out to the team members who seem to be struggling with maintaining their focus as well. (SQUIRREL!).
MY THOUGHTS
I love this tips. They are not necessarily easy but they all seem doable.
Okay, for most of us it’s still a work in progress.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
ARE YOU SMART OR CLEVER?
Are you Smart or Clever?
from the article 'Are You Smart, or Clever? Here’s How to Be Both'
By Jeff Haden | May 3, 2011
For the sake of argument, let’s define smart as educated, trained, experienced, seasoned. Smart people can evaluate a situation and determine the right thing to do.
Clever takes smart a step farther, adding insight and a dash of the unexpected. Clever people evaluate a situation, determine the smart thing to do, and then go a step farther to determine a sometimes surprising way to capitalize on an opportunity.
In business terms, smart is the guy down the hall with the MBA who analyzes and optimizes your supply chain because you assigned him the project. Clever is the gal on the shop floor who comes forward to show how you can increase productivity 15% simply by sequencing jobs differently. (Another true story.)
The business world is populated by millions of smart people. Education, experience, resources — there are countless smart people. To set yourself apart it’s not enough to simply be smart. You also must be clever.
Fortunately, we can all be clever: It just takes the right frame of mind. Click to the next page to learn five ways you can proactively increase your cleverness quotient.
MY THOUGHTS
In other words, all you need to do to be smart is go to school. To be clever, you need to live a life and learn along the way.
from the article 'Are You Smart, or Clever? Here’s How to Be Both'
By Jeff Haden | May 3, 2011
For the sake of argument, let’s define smart as educated, trained, experienced, seasoned. Smart people can evaluate a situation and determine the right thing to do.
Clever takes smart a step farther, adding insight and a dash of the unexpected. Clever people evaluate a situation, determine the smart thing to do, and then go a step farther to determine a sometimes surprising way to capitalize on an opportunity.
In business terms, smart is the guy down the hall with the MBA who analyzes and optimizes your supply chain because you assigned him the project. Clever is the gal on the shop floor who comes forward to show how you can increase productivity 15% simply by sequencing jobs differently. (Another true story.)
The business world is populated by millions of smart people. Education, experience, resources — there are countless smart people. To set yourself apart it’s not enough to simply be smart. You also must be clever.
Fortunately, we can all be clever: It just takes the right frame of mind. Click to the next page to learn five ways you can proactively increase your cleverness quotient.
MY THOUGHTS
In other words, all you need to do to be smart is go to school. To be clever, you need to live a life and learn along the way.
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